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In 2001, I proudly enlisted in the Army, and was one of the first to invade Iraq in March of 2003. In September of 2003 we came under fire. I fought like hell and never let go of my weapon. IEDs, mortors, RPGs were blowing up everywhere. A bunch of guys were killed. We were evacuated to Baghdad. They tested us to see if anyone had psychological damage because of the violence.
I enlisted for a second tour in 2004 and was sent to Alabama for special training. When I was sent to Iraq in June I didn’t have orders, and there was some confusion about where I was supposed to be. They ended up putting me attached me to the 1st Cavalry Division in Sadr City. I was manning a .50-caliber machine gun mounted on a Humvee when an IED went off underneath us. I was slammed into my weapon and my Kevlar helmet was split open.
I did not get shot. I was not bleeding. The explosion did not rip, tear or cut me. I checked myself, and thought I was ok.
Soon I started to feel dizzy, lightheaded and dazed. The Army said I was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. They sent me to Germany, and then to Walter Reed Medical Center in October of 2004.
I told the doctors about the explosion, and about my head. But they never believed I was injured. They thought I was making it up, that it was mental. They didn’t even believe the fact that a bomb blew up my Humvee. They said I was malingering, that I was lying.
I am a soldier. I want to fight. I went to Iraq twice. I am not lying about the pain in my head. I am not lying about the pain in my eyes. I am not lying about my loss of memory.
Finally, a year later, in October of 2005 they did tests that showed I did not lie, but that I suffered from Traumatic Brain Injury. They should have been treating me for TBI as soon as I got to Walter Reed in 2004; instead they accused me of lying. For a whole year I suffered from TBI without a doctor’s help.
Finally they recommended that I be given a 30 percent disability rating. But somebody thought that was too good. Accusing me of lying wasn’t enough; they decided to separate me from service with a 10 percent disability rating. What’s even worse, I’ve never seen any money. Now I’m getting bills for treatment of my TBI.
I fought so hard to make my story understood, and I’m still fighting. I have met with Congressmen, Senators, and Pentagon officials. They all have said they are going to help me with this or help me with that, but they have done nothing.
Of all the pain I am going through, nothing hurts more than my pride. I went to war to serve my country, and my country called me a liar. I deserve full disability pay. I deserve a lot of things, but what I want most is my pride. Malingering is worse than dishonor. I did not serve with dishonor, and I did not lie. I take pride in being a soldier, but all of this bureaucracy makes me not want to wear a uniform. I love my country, why won’t my government love me in return?
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